I knew something was wrong. I felt bad. I wasn't motivated. Every time I ate, I got nauseous. I physically ran out of energy so quickly that I was looking forward to my kids naps by 9 am and night time by 2 pm. I had no motivation for chores and just taking care of the kids minimal needs wore me out. It's crazy to wake up after 8 hours of sleep and still be tired. Finally, I told my husband that I knew there was a problem. I was not depressed. I knew what that was because I had been through postpartum after my last 2 children. This was different. I was forgetting words and mixing them up, too. I kept dropping things. I even had headaches that lasted for days. There were evenings that I would Google ALS, Parkinson's, MS, etc.
I talked to a good friend who recommended a doctor that was different than the usual practitioner. This doctor has a holistic approach to the body. They fix problems with lifestyle changes, vitamins, supplements, and natural medicines. My first appointment, I didn't know what to expect. Strangely, I felt guarded and protective. Such an odd feeling considering I am asking them to help me. They asked in depth questions and 6 vials of blood. Then, I waited a very long three weeks (felt like three months) for the results.
Results day was even more overwhelming than the first appointment. I knew changes were coming. In fact, I wanted them...to a degree. I know I am overweight. I know I don't exercise like I use to. I know I eat the same unhealthy foods of my youth (any pasta, pop tarts, pizza, Dr. Pepper, sugar cereals, burritos, etc.).
They went over the results twice. Once with a tech and once with the doctor. It's not good. My body is no longer happy with my lifestyle. It cannot keep up either. Heart disease is the number one killer of women today, even 35 year old women, and I am on my way. My cholesterol levels are in the 200's. She said one of the numbers shows that I already have plaque building in my arteries. Having watched my dad have a massive heart attack, code, and survive to have a stint from build up... scary! I am on my way to diabetes. My pancreas is knocking, saying, "I am about to quit. The working conditions are deplorable". My insulin number was 18. So not good! I had a couple other vitamin deficiencies: omega-3, D-3, and some I can't pronounce. My thyroid numbers were low and my testosterone levels were extremely low. Basically, if I don't make extreme life changes NOW, I have a huge chance of not watching my kids grow up, not growing old with my husband, never holding my grand babies, and a poor quality of life. She asked, "Are you ready for change?"
Yes.
10.24.2014
1.07.2014
Blessed, Faithful, Obedient...
I had an ah hah moment this afternoon. A friend posted yesterday that their family needed prayer. So, myself and dozens of other friends replied with confirmations we would be praying and support. I did pray and wondered what was wrong, but I didn't ask because she didn't tell. It was obviously none of my business, even though she asked for prayer.
Fast forward a day. In her own timing and comfort level, she revealed the reason for the prayer request. Truly, I am thankful that I had prayed for her family. As people started to chime in with more support and promised prayers, one man posted something that I had to read twice. He told her that she is blessed. She is blessed because she has such great friends that when she posted for prayers, not one single person asked why. They just prayed and offered support. Wow. I had to read it twice.
Probably because in today's time where information is milliseconds away and there really are not many things left that are kept private, I guess it's standard that someone would want to know. Shoot, I wondered. All sorts of things went through my head. It really ended up being a blanket prayer because I knew God knew exactly what she needed.
This person's comment reminded me of the faithfulness of a woman named Ruth. She was loyal, loving, dedicated, faithful, and obedient. It is because of this that she was rewarded with a beautiful love story. It's not just the love story of a man and woman. It's the love she had for her mother in law and for her God.
I can imagine when her first husband died, she was pretty sure that she would return home to her family instead of staying in the foreign place she was. Now there was nobody to take care of her. But, she didn't. She stayed with Naomi, pledging her loyalty, and they returned to Naomi's homeland. Talk about scary; going somewhere you know nobody and have no idea how you will support yourself and an elderly mother in law!
But she obeyed Naomi and worked the fields that belonged to Boaz. She worked very hard and was quickly noticed. Eventually, love bloomed and through a bit more story, they were happily married. My favorite part is that the story does not end there. It's like a fairy tale, but with the "what happens next". Ruth and Boaz were blessed with a son named, Obed. Obed grew up to be the grandfather of Kind David. Then generations later, the birth of Jesus. Ruth's loyalty led to her faithful obedience. This led to her being blessed. My "tied for first" Bible verse is "Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God" Ruth 1:16.
What kind of person are you? The loyal kind that can be counted on in a moment's notice? Or the one that has to know all the details and how it will turn out first? I tend to think that it is far better to answer a friend's call in need with humble obedience. The blessings one receives from this act of faithfulness may be far greater and the rippling effect farther reaching then one might know during their lifetime.
print by unraveleddesign
Fast forward a day. In her own timing and comfort level, she revealed the reason for the prayer request. Truly, I am thankful that I had prayed for her family. As people started to chime in with more support and promised prayers, one man posted something that I had to read twice. He told her that she is blessed. She is blessed because she has such great friends that when she posted for prayers, not one single person asked why. They just prayed and offered support. Wow. I had to read it twice.
Probably because in today's time where information is milliseconds away and there really are not many things left that are kept private, I guess it's standard that someone would want to know. Shoot, I wondered. All sorts of things went through my head. It really ended up being a blanket prayer because I knew God knew exactly what she needed.
This person's comment reminded me of the faithfulness of a woman named Ruth. She was loyal, loving, dedicated, faithful, and obedient. It is because of this that she was rewarded with a beautiful love story. It's not just the love story of a man and woman. It's the love she had for her mother in law and for her God.
I can imagine when her first husband died, she was pretty sure that she would return home to her family instead of staying in the foreign place she was. Now there was nobody to take care of her. But, she didn't. She stayed with Naomi, pledging her loyalty, and they returned to Naomi's homeland. Talk about scary; going somewhere you know nobody and have no idea how you will support yourself and an elderly mother in law!
But she obeyed Naomi and worked the fields that belonged to Boaz. She worked very hard and was quickly noticed. Eventually, love bloomed and through a bit more story, they were happily married. My favorite part is that the story does not end there. It's like a fairy tale, but with the "what happens next". Ruth and Boaz were blessed with a son named, Obed. Obed grew up to be the grandfather of Kind David. Then generations later, the birth of Jesus. Ruth's loyalty led to her faithful obedience. This led to her being blessed. My "tied for first" Bible verse is "Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God" Ruth 1:16.
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print by unraveleddesign
1.02.2014
New Years Goal, Not Resolutions...
So, a new year begins. Most people are full of hopes, dreams, and new resolutions. Some don't have any because they don't want to feel like they fail if all is not accomplished. I know that feeling! I'm very familiar with eating bad and not going to the gym by day 5. I've heard it takes 21 days for something to become a habit. I didn't do it long enough to even become a memory!
Oh well! It is really ok to not have a bazillion resolutions. I think it's better to set goals and stop along the way during the year and assess if it's still a good goal and what still needs to be done to meet it. People that write down their goals are more likely to accomplish them. What's the difference between a resolution and a goal? I see a resolution of a thing you want to change: lose weight, eat better, go to the gym every day, better financial health, buy a house, etc. I see a goal as a plan for actually accomplishing the resolution. I would rather have a map for driving 1200 miles than to just say, "I'm going to Seattle, WA." I will be much better prepared to actually arrive at my destination than to go out, get lost, forget, and quit.
My favorite thing about setting a goal is that it can be adjusted. Maybe in July you see that the market is not the best and you get pregnant. Therefore, buying a house is not a good choice for this year because you can't spare the extra money. It's ok. Just adjust accordingly. You are still on target to meet your goal. Driving 800 miles and waiting when you run into a blizzard with only 400 miles left to go is way better then going 80 miles and saying that it's impossible and going back to square one. Especially, since it is still a dream you have for your family.
I don't mean a goal is a loophole out of accomplishing something. It's giving yourself permission to take a step off the path for whatever comes your way and then getting back on your journey. My goal is to exercise in some form every day, but love myself just as much on the days I can't/don't. I can take care of my sick babies that are up several times a night. I know I can't take them to the gym and when they finally rest, I can rest, too, because I am plum tuckered. I am not going to beat myself up that I should be doing an exercise video or on the elliptical when I might actually fall asleep and hurt myself anyway. Progress is any step forward. It may be baby steps, but as long as we are moving, there will be change and progress. I may not be able to exercise because I am so exhausted, but my adjustment can be to make better eating choices and therefore, I am still heading towards my goal.
I wish everyone the best in the new year of 2014.
I believe you can accomplish anything you set out to accomplish. But you must believe in yourself first. No one can make you do what you choose and you will make the journey when you are truly ready for a change and progress in your life.
Where will your "map" take you this year?
Oh well! It is really ok to not have a bazillion resolutions. I think it's better to set goals and stop along the way during the year and assess if it's still a good goal and what still needs to be done to meet it. People that write down their goals are more likely to accomplish them. What's the difference between a resolution and a goal? I see a resolution of a thing you want to change: lose weight, eat better, go to the gym every day, better financial health, buy a house, etc. I see a goal as a plan for actually accomplishing the resolution. I would rather have a map for driving 1200 miles than to just say, "I'm going to Seattle, WA." I will be much better prepared to actually arrive at my destination than to go out, get lost, forget, and quit.
My favorite thing about setting a goal is that it can be adjusted. Maybe in July you see that the market is not the best and you get pregnant. Therefore, buying a house is not a good choice for this year because you can't spare the extra money. It's ok. Just adjust accordingly. You are still on target to meet your goal. Driving 800 miles and waiting when you run into a blizzard with only 400 miles left to go is way better then going 80 miles and saying that it's impossible and going back to square one. Especially, since it is still a dream you have for your family.
I don't mean a goal is a loophole out of accomplishing something. It's giving yourself permission to take a step off the path for whatever comes your way and then getting back on your journey. My goal is to exercise in some form every day, but love myself just as much on the days I can't/don't. I can take care of my sick babies that are up several times a night. I know I can't take them to the gym and when they finally rest, I can rest, too, because I am plum tuckered. I am not going to beat myself up that I should be doing an exercise video or on the elliptical when I might actually fall asleep and hurt myself anyway. Progress is any step forward. It may be baby steps, but as long as we are moving, there will be change and progress. I may not be able to exercise because I am so exhausted, but my adjustment can be to make better eating choices and therefore, I am still heading towards my goal.
I wish everyone the best in the new year of 2014.
| An Old Irish Blessing |
May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind always be at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face, and rains fall soft upon your fields. And until we meet again, May God hold you in the palm of His hand. |
I believe you can accomplish anything you set out to accomplish. But you must believe in yourself first. No one can make you do what you choose and you will make the journey when you are truly ready for a change and progress in your life.
Where will your "map" take you this year?
3.03.2013
The Blessing...
There are so many things that I want to give my family. I want them to know the love of Christ. I want them to be happy, safe, loved, accepted, and to have a personal relationship with Christ. Most of all, I desire them to be so full of "Him" that when the world pokes in them holes of humanity, they can never be drained. This will come from intentional choices where I decide, every day, to unconditionally love and accept them and build a relationship of deep trust and safety that fills their love banks.
How can I possibly ever accomplish this? It will be a life long job that I gladly accept. It is nothing just a one time event. It is a day long, year long, life long pursuit. There is a book that teaches how to do this that God has been telling me to read for over a year. It took a loving, Godly woman to give me the book to make it happen (thank you, Becky!). The book is The BLESSING [revised & updated] by John Trent, PH.D. and Gary Smalley. The cover says it is about "giving the gift of unconditional love and acceptance". I received it on a Wednesday and am so hungry to learn, it is Sunday and I am on page 101. Granted some of the pages I have had to reread because I dozed off from late night "after the kids go to bed" reading.
I feel led to share some of the things that I am learning as I take this journey. Maybe someone has gone this way before me that can offer up advice or maybe you just need the extra push like I did. Either way, please feel free to take this journey with me of learning how to bless your family. You can bless your children, your spouse, and even your parents. I was not directly given the blessing by my parents, but I want to learn how to bless them to heal the wounds of the yesteryears. I am determined to "reverse the curse" into a beautiful "blessed" relationship. I want to bless my husband so that he knows how much I love him and cherish him. I desire to bless my three children because if I love them with every ounce of my being, how much Christ must love them even more. They deserve to know this love, to have this relationship that will carry them into full futures. I don't want them looking to the world for their worth. They are so much more than the world could tell me.
There are five specific ways they talk about to bless your relationship: meaningful touch, a spoken message, attaching high value, picturing a special future, and an active commitment. I will write about these over the next weeks starting with Part I: Why Is The Blessing So Important?. If you would like to check out their website, join the challenge, or just learn more about how to "reverse the curse" and find blessing in your life, please just click The Blessing Challenge.
"I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life or death, the blessing and the curse. So choose life in order that you may live, you and your descendants." (Deut. 30:19 NASB)
in Him,
How can I possibly ever accomplish this? It will be a life long job that I gladly accept. It is nothing just a one time event. It is a day long, year long, life long pursuit. There is a book that teaches how to do this that God has been telling me to read for over a year. It took a loving, Godly woman to give me the book to make it happen (thank you, Becky!). The book is The BLESSING [revised & updated] by John Trent, PH.D. and Gary Smalley. The cover says it is about "giving the gift of unconditional love and acceptance". I received it on a Wednesday and am so hungry to learn, it is Sunday and I am on page 101. Granted some of the pages I have had to reread because I dozed off from late night "after the kids go to bed" reading.
I feel led to share some of the things that I am learning as I take this journey. Maybe someone has gone this way before me that can offer up advice or maybe you just need the extra push like I did. Either way, please feel free to take this journey with me of learning how to bless your family. You can bless your children, your spouse, and even your parents. I was not directly given the blessing by my parents, but I want to learn how to bless them to heal the wounds of the yesteryears. I am determined to "reverse the curse" into a beautiful "blessed" relationship. I want to bless my husband so that he knows how much I love him and cherish him. I desire to bless my three children because if I love them with every ounce of my being, how much Christ must love them even more. They deserve to know this love, to have this relationship that will carry them into full futures. I don't want them looking to the world for their worth. They are so much more than the world could tell me.
There are five specific ways they talk about to bless your relationship: meaningful touch, a spoken message, attaching high value, picturing a special future, and an active commitment. I will write about these over the next weeks starting with Part I: Why Is The Blessing So Important?. If you would like to check out their website, join the challenge, or just learn more about how to "reverse the curse" and find blessing in your life, please just click The Blessing Challenge.
"I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life or death, the blessing and the curse. So choose life in order that you may live, you and your descendants." (Deut. 30:19 NASB)
in Him,
12.24.2012
Hands, a Blessing...
I have been asked before what is my favorite part of my body. I have always said my hair and my hands, neither of which are very exciting. When I was young and played the piano, my mother used to tell me that she loved to watch my hands move over the keys and that they were so dainty. That made me feel so feminine and powerful. I loved what my mother saw in me because I love to be loved. It's inherent in all of us that we love to be accepted, loved, noticed, and celebrated.
Hands such an important body part, but taken so much for granted. They are the sweet touch from my son in the morning while I feed him and he reaches to touch my face. They are clenched tight behind my head as I am tightly gripped in a bear hug. They hold the crayons that show the amazing creativity of my daughters. They make my home clean and inviting. They make the food that nourishes my family. The rub my husband's shoulders after a long day of work and then being the family man. They clean booboos. They are so busy and rarely complain.
My hands have been so many places. They have climbed many swing sets, crossed monkey bars, taken tests, played in mud, held other hands, been to Europe, and swam in the Mediterranean Sea. They have graded countless papers, scrubbed lots of fluffy puppy ears, held many little hands while waiting for their mommies, and made countless peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
But my favorite things that my hands have done are far from ordinary. They washed the back of a dearly loved elderly woman who was bedridden. They prayed over a father that was supposedly brain dead and on life support (he woke up the next day). They helped build churches and schools in Mexico and Guatemala. They delivered hot meals to elderly in San Francisco. They have handed out food to homeless in New Mexico. They have held three of the most beloved, precious newborns. They play peek-a-boo and this little piggy. They wear the ring of eternity from my husband and best friend. They hold my mom every chance they get because I just love her so much.
Though taken for granted and forgotten many times because they are on auto pilot, my hands have been such an integral part of my life. I love my hands and am blessed all that I have experienced because of them. I clench them together to thank the Almighty One that has allowed me to stop for a moment and treasure the beauty that I "see" through my hands.
What stories do your hands tell? Did you feel your baby kick for the first time? Did they help someone? Did they play beautiful music? Hands are such a blessing...they are an extension of your heart in showing love.
Hands such an important body part, but taken so much for granted. They are the sweet touch from my son in the morning while I feed him and he reaches to touch my face. They are clenched tight behind my head as I am tightly gripped in a bear hug. They hold the crayons that show the amazing creativity of my daughters. They make my home clean and inviting. They make the food that nourishes my family. The rub my husband's shoulders after a long day of work and then being the family man. They clean booboos. They are so busy and rarely complain.
But my favorite things that my hands have done are far from ordinary. They washed the back of a dearly loved elderly woman who was bedridden. They prayed over a father that was supposedly brain dead and on life support (he woke up the next day). They helped build churches and schools in Mexico and Guatemala. They delivered hot meals to elderly in San Francisco. They have handed out food to homeless in New Mexico. They have held three of the most beloved, precious newborns. They play peek-a-boo and this little piggy. They wear the ring of eternity from my husband and best friend. They hold my mom every chance they get because I just love her so much.
Though taken for granted and forgotten many times because they are on auto pilot, my hands have been such an integral part of my life. I love my hands and am blessed all that I have experienced because of them. I clench them together to thank the Almighty One that has allowed me to stop for a moment and treasure the beauty that I "see" through my hands.
What stories do your hands tell? Did you feel your baby kick for the first time? Did they help someone? Did they play beautiful music? Hands are such a blessing...they are an extension of your heart in showing love.
9.21.2012
Be Still and Know...
Dearest Children,
I sat comfortably feeding my four month old Little Man while staring into his beautiful brown eyes. Something had changed in my heart, in my mind, in my life. We tell you to pray about everything, but not always doing it ourselves. I prayed that God would soften my heart and He has.
I have been very frustrated because my Cupcake and Sunshine know exactly which buttons to push to send my spaceship into orbit, and they eagerly seeks to push them. I love my girls with all my heart, but I wanted to stay "in love" and show "unconditional love" at all times. Maybe it's because we are so much alike? I love to see me in you! Sometimes, these reflections are not always pleasant though. I know that Dad and I are the models and though you have free will, you will do what I do. My actions need to match my words.
I have heard to be careful what you wish for and to be careful what you pray for because it might come true. This can be a blessing or it can lead one into heartbreak. Everything God does is on purpose, "For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him" (Philippians 2:13).
So, how did He answer my prayer? I usually would feed Little Man and search facebook, pinterest, read email.
One day, a photographer, whose blog I read because I love her photos, posted that her nephew had just been born with a very rare skin condition (EB) that is just beyond awful and she was asking for prayers. I had to click off of her blog because I had followed a precious angel named Tripp Roth and his battle with this same horrid disease for a couple years. Earlier this year, he grew his wings and is now an angel baby. I knew the outcome for Tripp and could not stand the thought of watching another beautiful baby suffer. So, I moved along. His name is Easton Friedel. I couldn't forget his name because it's GramE's name and your middle name (but with an I- Eastin). No less than a couple weeks later, the photographer that took Little Man's newborn pictures, posted on her blog a picture and asked for prayers because the same baby, Easton, was not doing well. This time, my heart tugged and I went to his facebook page. Within minutes, my heart was captured by this precious baby boy. He reminds me so much of Little Man with his big brown eyes and head of hair. I became emotionally involved with his ups and downs. I was heartbroken when they did not think he would live. I rejoiced when he did well. I look forward to hearing about him every day.
I also read about another little angel, Liam Lyon. He, as well, like Tripp, got his wings this year. Precious boy was a heart baby. His family has reached thousands of people, inspiring them to prayer, rallying for other precious babies.
I found myself in a world of online prayer for babies suffering for things I had never heard of and couldn't begin to fathom. How could a newborn possibly be born with stage IV cancer? This just doesn't happen!!!! But, it does.
I found precious child after precious child that was fighting a literal fight for their lives. Their families giving up everything to find cures, get medicine, be at their heart's side through everything. They were grasping at every single second to store it as a memory. Trying to fit a lifetime into minutes, hours, days, weeks...whatever time there was. No one could know. So, I began praying. I began to feel my heart relishing the moments that I had found so hard before. I began to stop when my voice was going up with my frustration, and pray.
I realized what was going on in my heart after reading a post by a mother of a young man named, Lane Goodwin. The drs. told him that they were finally out of options and he should go home and enjoy every moment. How does a parent take the next breath? How does a parent not fall down crushed? She knows how precious time is and is doing everything that she can to lift Lane up and love him every second he has left. She is heart broken, but so completely relies on God that she has told Lane that it is ok to go to Him, not be afraid, and that he can be with Jesus until she, her husband, and Lane's little brother join him in Heaven.
I know this post is very heavy and sad, but like I said, our prayers can lead us to be heartbroken. My heart needed to be broken for Him to answer my prayer. I would say there were bits of pride, denial, anger, exhaustion, selfishness, and a strong desire to control in my heart when it came to my reaction to having you, my kids, act the way that I wanted.
It has turned out beautiful (I think!). Little Easton is doing well (all things considered). His fight and drive to survive amaze me. I am so blessed to be able to hold you and squeeze you! I can rub Little Man's head, tickle his toes, and kiss his cheeks endlessly. I remind myself when I sit down to feed Little Man that these moments are precious and not to waste on something that I can read later. Cali has had so many surgeries in her little life, but she fights! Go Cali Go! Liam Lyon: hear him ROAR, is still continuing to rally the prayer warriors for many other little ones in need. Talk about amazing! Lane has over 100, 000 followers on facebook giving him a "thumbs up" as they pray for a miracle because that is the only thing left, a miracle. Think of the lives changed!!!
God loves little children! He loves them for their innocence, strength, bravery, and purity. I want to love you three just like God does. I am human and I will fail you. I am not perfect and I know you will not be perfect either. But I can encourage you, as I have been encouraged, that it is very true that God will speak to you. He spoke to me by showing me the reality of humanity, it is temporary. But that is ok. This world is not our true home anyway. There is nothing to fear.
The Tiny Sparrow Foundation is a beautiful organization that take pictures of tiny sparrow that are pictures of hope. Pictures of children in their fight, having overcome their fight, or sadly, at the end of their fight, for life. These beautiful photos are glimpses of heroes, warriors, princesses, tiny sparrows. They are examples of how God has answered my prayer. How do I soften my heart to love my children the unconditional way that I need to when times are the most difficult?
So, here it is, the answer. Be still. Be still and listen because in this silence, God will speak to you. From there it is up to you (free will). I pray that you will listen, so that your life will be changed by seeing the beauty He has to show you. I now use the precious moments with Little Man to stare into his beautiful eyes and pray. I now find my heart grateful in new ways and through this, I am blessed.
My heart is at peace when I am still and know. He is God.
I love you forever and always!
Mommy
I sat comfortably feeding my four month old Little Man while staring into his beautiful brown eyes. Something had changed in my heart, in my mind, in my life. We tell you to pray about everything, but not always doing it ourselves. I prayed that God would soften my heart and He has.
I have heard to be careful what you wish for and to be careful what you pray for because it might come true. This can be a blessing or it can lead one into heartbreak. Everything God does is on purpose, "For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him" (Philippians 2:13).
So, how did He answer my prayer? I usually would feed Little Man and search facebook, pinterest, read email.
One day, a photographer, whose blog I read because I love her photos, posted that her nephew had just been born with a very rare skin condition (EB) that is just beyond awful and she was asking for prayers. I had to click off of her blog because I had followed a precious angel named Tripp Roth and his battle with this same horrid disease for a couple years. Earlier this year, he grew his wings and is now an angel baby. I knew the outcome for Tripp and could not stand the thought of watching another beautiful baby suffer. So, I moved along. His name is Easton Friedel. I couldn't forget his name because it's GramE's name and your middle name (but with an I- Eastin). No less than a couple weeks later, the photographer that took Little Man's newborn pictures, posted on her blog a picture and asked for prayers because the same baby, Easton, was not doing well. This time, my heart tugged and I went to his facebook page. Within minutes, my heart was captured by this precious baby boy. He reminds me so much of Little Man with his big brown eyes and head of hair. I became emotionally involved with his ups and downs. I was heartbroken when they did not think he would live. I rejoiced when he did well. I look forward to hearing about him every day.
I also read about another little angel, Liam Lyon. He, as well, like Tripp, got his wings this year. Precious boy was a heart baby. His family has reached thousands of people, inspiring them to prayer, rallying for other precious babies.
I found myself in a world of online prayer for babies suffering for things I had never heard of and couldn't begin to fathom. How could a newborn possibly be born with stage IV cancer? This just doesn't happen!!!! But, it does.
I found precious child after precious child that was fighting a literal fight for their lives. Their families giving up everything to find cures, get medicine, be at their heart's side through everything. They were grasping at every single second to store it as a memory. Trying to fit a lifetime into minutes, hours, days, weeks...whatever time there was. No one could know. So, I began praying. I began to feel my heart relishing the moments that I had found so hard before. I began to stop when my voice was going up with my frustration, and pray.
I realized what was going on in my heart after reading a post by a mother of a young man named, Lane Goodwin. The drs. told him that they were finally out of options and he should go home and enjoy every moment. How does a parent take the next breath? How does a parent not fall down crushed? She knows how precious time is and is doing everything that she can to lift Lane up and love him every second he has left. She is heart broken, but so completely relies on God that she has told Lane that it is ok to go to Him, not be afraid, and that he can be with Jesus until she, her husband, and Lane's little brother join him in Heaven.
I know this post is very heavy and sad, but like I said, our prayers can lead us to be heartbroken. My heart needed to be broken for Him to answer my prayer. I would say there were bits of pride, denial, anger, exhaustion, selfishness, and a strong desire to control in my heart when it came to my reaction to having you, my kids, act the way that I wanted.
It has turned out beautiful (I think!). Little Easton is doing well (all things considered). His fight and drive to survive amaze me. I am so blessed to be able to hold you and squeeze you! I can rub Little Man's head, tickle his toes, and kiss his cheeks endlessly. I remind myself when I sit down to feed Little Man that these moments are precious and not to waste on something that I can read later. Cali has had so many surgeries in her little life, but she fights! Go Cali Go! Liam Lyon: hear him ROAR, is still continuing to rally the prayer warriors for many other little ones in need. Talk about amazing! Lane has over 100, 000 followers on facebook giving him a "thumbs up" as they pray for a miracle because that is the only thing left, a miracle. Think of the lives changed!!!
God loves little children! He loves them for their innocence, strength, bravery, and purity. I want to love you three just like God does. I am human and I will fail you. I am not perfect and I know you will not be perfect either. But I can encourage you, as I have been encouraged, that it is very true that God will speak to you. He spoke to me by showing me the reality of humanity, it is temporary. But that is ok. This world is not our true home anyway. There is nothing to fear.
The Tiny Sparrow Foundation is a beautiful organization that take pictures of tiny sparrow that are pictures of hope. Pictures of children in their fight, having overcome their fight, or sadly, at the end of their fight, for life. These beautiful photos are glimpses of heroes, warriors, princesses, tiny sparrows. They are examples of how God has answered my prayer. How do I soften my heart to love my children the unconditional way that I need to when times are the most difficult?
So, here it is, the answer. Be still. Be still and listen because in this silence, God will speak to you. From there it is up to you (free will). I pray that you will listen, so that your life will be changed by seeing the beauty He has to show you. I now use the precious moments with Little Man to stare into his beautiful eyes and pray. I now find my heart grateful in new ways and through this, I am blessed.
My heart is at peace when I am still and know. He is God.
I love you forever and always!
Mommy
9.13.2012
But for the grace of God...
Dearest Children,
Right now mommy is having a very hard time in her heart. I am struggling because there is a precious baby that I do not know that is suffering. His name is Easton Friedel. He was born August 23, 2012 with an awful, incurable, painful disease called EB or Epidermolysis Bullosa. He is absolutely a beautiful baby! He is adorable just like you three. A mother could stare at him for hours, like I stared at you perfect little beings.
What I am struggling with, past my inner most desire to control the outcome of his situation, is the commonly used statement "but for the grace of God". I hear it and have even used it stated in reference to an difficult situation someone else is enduring and "but for the grace of God" they are not the ones walking the same path.
It's an innocent comment. I know I've used it. Your GramE has said it and she's one of the most loving, giving, Christian people ever. But I would ask that you do not use it if you reference someone else's woe. See, we do not have more grace than someone else because our burden is different. God does not favor us more because we did not have a child born with a horrific disease. That is simply not how He works. Jeremiah 29:11 says " For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." So, God knows exactly what you are going through and what you will go through. It is not by His grace you do not go through something. It is by His plan and His will.
Jeremiah 1:5 says "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." In my breakdown, He made every person unique, special, and exactly what He needs them to be. This precious child my heart laments for, was made set apart for a reason. Easton (Cupcake, your middle name and GramE's first name, but with an i- Eastin) has appointed a prophet to nations. His Facebook page (don't laugh at me if by the time you can read this Facebook isn't around anymore) has thousands of followers for many nations praying for him, wishing him well, begging the Lord that made him to heal him. There are even people that are not Christian pulling for him. It's so beautiful to see people step outside of themselves to love another (myself included- I am not pious).
Let me offer you some examples. Noah was asked by God to build an ark in a time that no one had seen it rain. He wasn't only asked to build it, but fill it with animals. I bet people thought he was nuts! Then, he sealed it and dreadfully had to watch everything and everyone that didn't come aboard disappear. But he was faithful and God spared him and his family. We look at his story today as an example of truly blind faith. Ruth lost her husband in a time where she would have to return to her home country and hopefully find a place to be nothing more than a servant like. But, she followed her mother in law, Naomi, into a foreign country, worked long back breaking hours in a field collecting discarded grains. God blessed her with Boaz, who took care of her and Naomi. More importantly, her faithfulness was rewarded by being in the lineage of Jesus. Talk about amazing! Paul was enslaved. They kept having to change his guards because he would lead them to Christ! Awesome! Jesus was tortured, beaten and hung on the cross and He still begged His Father to "forgive them for they know not what they do".
"For though a righteous man falls seven times, he rises again" Proverbs 24:16. Grace is not what keeps us from suffering like others. It is was keeps us going when we are suffering. "But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and forever" (2 Peter 3:18). We are broken and reformed through trials. We are to use these times to give Him praise and be an example of him. There are people all of the world watching precious Easton's parents and the love and strength they are showing. Yes, they are hurting. No, I cannot begin to imagine the amount and I have no desire to because just a moment of the thought tears me up inside.
Thankfully, Jesus exclaimed "It is finished!" and not "I am finished". Then, three days later He defeated death and arose. How comforting to know that I will get to see my Grandma, Papa Ray, Chalis, Lisa, Courtney, Michael P. and more. Angie will get to cuddle beautiful baby Payton. Melissa will get to squeeze precious Eli. Crystal will hear the coos of Caydn. GramE will get to hug her mommy and grandmother. Pops will get to hug his mom! Dad will get to hug his Papa Gish. I could go on and on.
All this to express the inaccuracy of "but for the grace of God". "Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows" (Luke 12:7). "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." (Joshua 1:9).
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8:
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven,
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
I love you my beautiful children. I am thankful for the trials we have because they will strengthen us as Christians, children, me as your mommy, and dad as daddy, Cupcake, Sunshine and myself as wives, Little Man and daddy as husbands, as friends, as parents yourselves, as employees, students, and as individuals. Please don't be insensitive to others or ignorant to the belief and faith of God's will, God's timing, and God's plan, even if we beg Him to our very core to change it, just like I do for precious baby Easton.
It's by His grace we are saved, not spared.
all my love,
Mommy
Right now mommy is having a very hard time in her heart. I am struggling because there is a precious baby that I do not know that is suffering. His name is Easton Friedel. He was born August 23, 2012 with an awful, incurable, painful disease called EB or Epidermolysis Bullosa. He is absolutely a beautiful baby! He is adorable just like you three. A mother could stare at him for hours, like I stared at you perfect little beings.
What I am struggling with, past my inner most desire to control the outcome of his situation, is the commonly used statement "but for the grace of God". I hear it and have even used it stated in reference to an difficult situation someone else is enduring and "but for the grace of God" they are not the ones walking the same path.
It's an innocent comment. I know I've used it. Your GramE has said it and she's one of the most loving, giving, Christian people ever. But I would ask that you do not use it if you reference someone else's woe. See, we do not have more grace than someone else because our burden is different. God does not favor us more because we did not have a child born with a horrific disease. That is simply not how He works. Jeremiah 29:11 says " For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." So, God knows exactly what you are going through and what you will go through. It is not by His grace you do not go through something. It is by His plan and His will.
Jeremiah 1:5 says "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." In my breakdown, He made every person unique, special, and exactly what He needs them to be. This precious child my heart laments for, was made set apart for a reason. Easton (Cupcake, your middle name and GramE's first name, but with an i- Eastin) has appointed a prophet to nations. His Facebook page (don't laugh at me if by the time you can read this Facebook isn't around anymore) has thousands of followers for many nations praying for him, wishing him well, begging the Lord that made him to heal him. There are even people that are not Christian pulling for him. It's so beautiful to see people step outside of themselves to love another (myself included- I am not pious).
Let me offer you some examples. Noah was asked by God to build an ark in a time that no one had seen it rain. He wasn't only asked to build it, but fill it with animals. I bet people thought he was nuts! Then, he sealed it and dreadfully had to watch everything and everyone that didn't come aboard disappear. But he was faithful and God spared him and his family. We look at his story today as an example of truly blind faith. Ruth lost her husband in a time where she would have to return to her home country and hopefully find a place to be nothing more than a servant like. But, she followed her mother in law, Naomi, into a foreign country, worked long back breaking hours in a field collecting discarded grains. God blessed her with Boaz, who took care of her and Naomi. More importantly, her faithfulness was rewarded by being in the lineage of Jesus. Talk about amazing! Paul was enslaved. They kept having to change his guards because he would lead them to Christ! Awesome! Jesus was tortured, beaten and hung on the cross and He still begged His Father to "forgive them for they know not what they do".
"For though a righteous man falls seven times, he rises again" Proverbs 24:16. Grace is not what keeps us from suffering like others. It is was keeps us going when we are suffering. "But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and forever" (2 Peter 3:18). We are broken and reformed through trials. We are to use these times to give Him praise and be an example of him. There are people all of the world watching precious Easton's parents and the love and strength they are showing. Yes, they are hurting. No, I cannot begin to imagine the amount and I have no desire to because just a moment of the thought tears me up inside.
Thankfully, Jesus exclaimed "It is finished!" and not "I am finished". Then, three days later He defeated death and arose. How comforting to know that I will get to see my Grandma, Papa Ray, Chalis, Lisa, Courtney, Michael P. and more. Angie will get to cuddle beautiful baby Payton. Melissa will get to squeeze precious Eli. Crystal will hear the coos of Caydn. GramE will get to hug her mommy and grandmother. Pops will get to hug his mom! Dad will get to hug his Papa Gish. I could go on and on.
All this to express the inaccuracy of "but for the grace of God". "Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows" (Luke 12:7). "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." (Joshua 1:9).
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8:
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven,
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
I love you my beautiful children. I am thankful for the trials we have because they will strengthen us as Christians, children, me as your mommy, and dad as daddy, Cupcake, Sunshine and myself as wives, Little Man and daddy as husbands, as friends, as parents yourselves, as employees, students, and as individuals. Please don't be insensitive to others or ignorant to the belief and faith of God's will, God's timing, and God's plan, even if we beg Him to our very core to change it, just like I do for precious baby Easton.
It's by His grace we are saved, not spared.
all my love,
Mommy
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