Even the title of my next week's Weight Watcher's meeting is about being stuck! I consider myself a positive person, but even positive people can become stuck. I guess the biggest thing that I need to find out is where exactly I am stuck. So, I must look on the proverbial road map of life to see what turn and where took me into the muck puddle. Though I'm sure I only have myself to blame, it would be nice if there were someone else that could shoulder that burden with or for me. Ah, but then that would just be a detour to a different muck puddle on a different day.
I hear lots of people say that they are making changes in their lives...every day. Not changing anything, but the tone or maybe the intro to the delivery of the "making changes" speech. In fact, I have one friend who has planned so many "changes" that she should have a new name because there's nothing left of her original self!
This morning I don't feel a call to make a list of things to change, other than out of my pajamas. However, I am led to believe that there are some changes that God wants to reveal to me that I need to make.
I have done my best to keep my home clean, kids healthy, loved and learning, my husband appreciated, healthy and supported, sharing my time and energy with anyone that needs me, helping my parents and friends to the best of my abilities. Yet, I still feel like I'm faking something. I wonder how other women can do it all, with great attitudes and energy leftover. They are thriving and I'm just surviving. At least that's what I thought until I read the comments under a Facebook post by Focus on the Family where the vast majority of women wrote they were barely surviving. How is it that in such a busy world with billions of people can someone still be lonely? I realize it's because I keep looking to the outside world to fill my needs, to justify me, to thank me, to verify me, to authenticate me, to fill the gaps, to deaden the silence, to distract me, to take away the sadnesses of my childhood, death, hurt, betrayal, anger, resentment (see the layers starting to peel?) and anything else that keeps me from just standing still and doing nothing but listen. Because if I were to listen to God, would I like what He has to say, would I agree, would it hurt me?
Jeremiah 29:11 says "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I couldn't have said it any better! God has taken many things and people from around me and will continue to do so to get my attention. Teaching pastor Todd Phillips said that sometimes God may "feel" like He is far away from us, but He isn't. God wants and needs me to pull close to Him. It is in those moments I learn that to be unstuck from my worldly "meal plan" is to be free in Him with peace, comfort and hope.
These things I pray for as I pray for a four year old that lost his loving parents and baby brother in a tragic accident, a nine month old baby boy that lost his battle with down syndrome complications, a little girl that my daughter's named after for her courage and grace as she battles her final round of brain cancer with no options left, a little girl just diagnosed with a rare form of cancer that lives in my neighborhood, my friend's daughter that's waiting right now to find out if her 7 year old has bacterial meningitis and on and on and on. I pray for my children, my husband, parents, friends, enemies and strangers. I pray that my eyes stay on Him and my ears open to Him so that my path doesn't include yucky, emotionally, time and energy draining muck puddles. I'm so looking forward to Jesus' return to heal and reunite everyone!
My conclusion: don't get stuck in muck, get stuck in God! He will help take care of the "rest"! :)
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